So the other day I was talking to a softball teammate who’s about to get married, and we were discussing why more and more people in their 30s and 40s – at least in New York – seem okay with the prospect of staying single. I know that many of these older bachelors and bachelorettes want children and I’d have to think that few of them relish the prospect of aging without a constant, dependable companion and lover. Yet they can’t seem to find the one worth taking the ultimate plunge.
My friend and I pretty much agreed this phenomenon stems from the fact that people were waiting later and later in life to marry, and by then it’s often too late. You see, the older people get, the more set in their ways they get, the more likely they feel their way is the right way, and the more unwilling they are to make the compromises necessary for a healthy marriage. And given how different men and women are to begin with, that increasing inflexibility becomes a deal breaker.
I’ve seen this happen time and time again in relationships, as trivial complaints and issues snowball into insurmountable obstacles that eventually threaten the love and attraction that initially existed. Heck, I’m 34 and still single, so I wonder if I’m falling into the same trap.
That’s why I try to remind myself what I’ve often told others in my life who I know really want to fall deeply in love, get married and start a family:
Nobody is perfect. And that, alas, also means you and me.
So don’t settle just for the sake of settling, but be careful you’re not searching for something that doesn’t exist and would be extremely boring even it did. Rather, learn to live with others’ imperfections. Try to understand why they exist. And one day, you may just find beauty in them.
Perhaps the reason you seemingly have not found anyone….you ARE the one with whom you are happy. Billions of people worldwide search the world over for Ms Perfect and Mr Right. You seem to have a grasp on understanding, appreciating and ultimately loving the notion that YOU are that complete package. And, any person willing to join you in your journey will have to hold true those same perfectly beautiful realities.
I was delighted to read your insights about relationships. Whether you like to hear it or not…you rest in a place of pure perfection; someone clearly at peace with their Self–feeling comfortable within their skin–understanding that no one person makes them happier than the happiness they generate from within.
Good Stuff
AngllHugnU2
Author of IM with God