Man* is an unbelievably resilient creature.
He can go from riches to rags and be OK, as long as he didn’t lose his fortunes overnight. He can go from being happily married to bitterly divorced and manage, as long as his love wasn’t betrayed in an instant.
I believe life can throw anything at us, and we will find a way to deal… as long as we have time to adapt.
Take the aging process … Is there any greater cruelty man must endure?? We can fight it, of course, but any victories we earn are merely temporary. There are no surprise endings, no upset specials, in the battle versus mortality.
Eventually, our hand-eye coordination will deteriorate, our physical beauty will fade, our most vital senses will fail. If we live long enough, our minds, too, will likely betray us, jeopardizing even the rare positives associated with aging – the nuggets of hard-earned wisdom, the accumulation of sweet memories – turning them into nothing more than fragile question marks.
And yet, as a rule, we handle all this deterioration with remarkable aplomb. The reason, of course, is that getting old literally takes a lifetime, so we have time to get used to all the changes, to watch them gradually pile up like so many tiny wrinkles. We can adjust. We can adapt.
In many cases, we can even deny aging’s worst effects until we are more prepared to deal with their reality. I mean, I was certainly upset when I realized about eight years ago in a Foxwoods casino bathroom that I was losing my hair, but I’m sure the agony would have been much worse that night if I could have somehow looked into a mirror from the future and glimpsed my current hairline. It would have been too much to deal with.
I still to this day will see an older person walking slowly down the street, struggling with each step, cane in hand perhaps, and be completely unable to imagine myself ever being like that. But one day, if I am fortunate to live that long, I will look into a mirror, and that is what I will see.
And by that time, it will probably be OK.
*I am not referring to the specific gender when I say Man. It’s just more poetic that way …
“He can go from riches to rags and be OK, as long as he didn’t lose his fortunes overnight. He can go from being happily married to bitterly divorced and manage, as long as his love wasn’t betrayed in an instant”– even in these cases, he manages (i mean, in most cases, i imagine that the suddenly poor and the suddenly single don’t jump off a bridge), thus showing the true, far-reaching extent of his resilience.
bob, it is true that most people can handle and survive even immense immediate changes, but it usually takes time to adjust, and those moments right after such a traumatic event can often be some of the most dangerous and difficult.
it’s why puberty, a notable exception to aging’s slow-motion process – when young, unprepared souls are often blindsided by a blizzard of unholy changes – can be such a perilous time.
Suicide is obviously an extreme reaction, but I was talking more even about the smaller fits of outrage or distress as examples of not being OK. It’s just truly amazing to me that we don’t scream and bitch and break down under the constant, unrelenting cruelty of aging. we may fight it, we may deny it, but in the end we generally accept it. maybe it’s less because the changes are gradual as i posited but more because we know it’s out of our control.
When you think deeply about Man’s capability to adapt to change it is even more remarkable than you portray. In actuality, I would submit that many of the changes that Man endures happen quickly without the benefit of an extended period to adjust. Think of those who are in a severe accident and find themselves cribbled or maimed in some way. Or think of those soldiers who are severally wounded, or those who walk into a doctors office for a physical feeling fine and walk out knowing that they are succombing to an incureable disease. Think of those who are living happily in their home one night and the next find it destroyed by a Katrina or fire. Think of those who are deeply in love with their mate and suddenly must deal with the death of that loved one by reason of an accident or crime. All of these examples, amongst many others that could be given are tragedies that happen without warning. And yet, in many if not most cases, we are capable of adapting adapting and carrying on with our lives and striving to continue to do better. How remarkable is that? What great Power is there that gives us that capability? My answer is obvious.
That is a great point ‘Dad’, but as i said to bob, in all those scenarios, our initial reactions to those crushing, immediate changes often include shock, panic, anger, outrage, sadness, numbness, etc. We are rarely ever ‘OK’ at first (though it is true we rarely take as drastic a measure as suicide) but need time to adjust and adapt to our new reality. I was merely pointing out that we usually don’t have the same kind, or at least the same degree, of emotions when we confront changes brought on by aging, which are at least as frightening and monumental. Instead we take it all in (relative) stride.
Also, in all of those other scenarios, we can see those things as obstacles to overcome, as situations that we may have some semblance of control over. With aging, I can tell you with complete certainty what the final outcome will be, and it won’t be pretty, which makes our ability to accept it even more amazing
I think you are right that change in slow motion is easier to deal with, but there are plenty of people who seem to need help to handle their emotions, via therapy and or pills. It seems like we are not quite as capable as we might like to think we are. As far as the aging process, there are also many, many people getting botox, using expensive creams, getting plastic surgery, if they can afford to, and even if they can’t. So, I am not sure we are a nation of aging gracefully. I think what helps me get through with the changes in life that will occur is to realize it could always be worse, and if you wait a little longer, it probably will be.
‘Mom’, That is a very good point about many people needing help through pills or therapy (wouldnt it be great if the support and love of family and friends were enough?). and you’re right about the ways we fight aging. But still, when you really think about the aging process, how debilitating and destructive it is and how fighting it is ultimately a futile battle, I’m still surprised we ‘handle’ it as well as we do.