My One Favorite Thing this week is Raspberry Sorbet-flavored Ice Cubes gum from Ice Breakers. It’s a fucking party for your mouth every time you pop one of these babies in.
I’ve never seen crack cocaine or crystal meth up close and personal, but this gum looks like what I envision you’d get if you combined those two drugs, all white and shiny with tiny little red speckles of mad flava baked in, and probably twice as addicting.
As a bonus, the gum comes in this very cool, totally impractical box (you ain’t taking this gum with you anywhere) that you flip open every time you want a piece and makes you really feel like you’re indulging in something special. 
It’s sugar-free, so unlike with that crystal meth, your teeth are safe with this habit. The sugar substitutes in there (malitol, mannitol AND xylitol – shit, maybe this is some crystal meth/crack combo) do, however, pose a problem: I think the gum is making me gassier. Sugar substitutes definitely get my stomach churning normally, and at the rate I’m popping these things in my mouth, it’s become something of an issue. Not so much of an issue that I’m curtailing the habit, mind you, but it is certainly making it more difficult to abide by my fart-free rule when I’m with the girlfriend.
And don’t forget, if you’re a dog owner, keep the gum away from your pooch (Even low doses of xylitol can kill a decent-sized dog within 30 minutes – we once had an incident when our cocker got into an entire pack of a different sugar-free gum with xylitol, and we had to feed him hydrogen peroxide so he would vomit the stuff up. Makes you wonder how safe xylitol can be for human consumption – again, not wonder enough to curtail the habit, mind you).
funny as fuck. and i finally got a way to keep the neighborhood dogs from shitting my lawn – leave some of these crack cocaine bited for them to pick up and die.
well i appreciate the compliment, tho I was really debating whether to approve the comment since I don’t care for your dog joke at all (I am hoping it’s a joke). but i hate censorship and i think you’re trying to be funny, so i approved it. Be mad at the owners of the dogs who shit on your lawn all you want (I personally loathe owners who don’t pick up their dogs’ feces), but the dogs themselves are innocent and only doing what comes natural. Dogs rock.
This stuff IS addictive!!!! I bought it for the first time last night and couldn’t stop popping them. It’s pretty ridiculous. I chewed a whole pack (I got the little cardbox box ones from Kroger for $1 a box) in a few hours.