Dead Man Blogging …

Questions: The Happy Holidays Edition – (As always, check out dagblog.com for answers)

1) Christmas Songs

When I was in music class in elementary school and holiday season came around, I did this thing I’m kind of ashamed now: I would refuse to utter the word God or Jesus in any Christmas song lyrics as part of some lame Jewish protest I was conducting. Sometimes, I extended the ban to borderline words like holy; with all the pauses, I remember Silent Night being a particularly troublesome song to get through.

I understand why I did it; the songs made me feel uncomfortable to sing, but really, what was I trying to prove? I certainly wasn’t making any conscious church/state separation statement. And I am actually one of the few who LIKE Christmas songs. Well, some of them. Anyway, as part of my repentance, let me ask you, what’s your favorite Christmas song? Let’s sing it together …

2) Christmas Lights

Christmas songs I can stomach, but I totally dig Christmas lights. They sure seem like a pain in the butt, though. Let me ask a few questions about them for the Christmas celebrators out there. Did you have lights around your house growing up? Do you do them now? Are they really worth the hassle? Are they easier to take down than put up – If so, why do people leave them up so long? How about the really gaudy, cheesy displays, with the flashing lights, the robotronic Santas and the detailed manger scenes, are those awful in their cheesiness or awfully awesome in their cheesiness?

3) Best gift

Have you been seeing all these Lexus car commercials on right now, the ones that all compare getting a Lexus to an incredible childhood gift?? If not, turn on a TV, I guarantee one is on right now.  What was your favorite Christmas/Hanukkah gift growing up?

4) Come, Sit on My Lap

Now that we’ve got you in the gift-receiving mood, sit on my lap, and tell Santa Deadman what you want the most for the holiday this year. Unfortunately, the economy sucks and Santa’s had his ass kicked by the market, so he won’t be getting you squat, but assume money was no object and you could have anything you wanted. But it has to be an actual physical item – no world peace requests, Orlando. So. what do you want (Non-Christians, feel free to answer as well)?

5) No, really, come sit on my lap

Ok, now let’s just consider sex and romance … what would be the one thing you’d want that would make that part of your life more fulfilling? Let your imagination run wild (Catholics, try your best to answer)…

6) The Ball or The Parade

They’re both New York holiday institutions, but assuming weather wasn’t a factor, would you rather attend The Thanksgiving Day Parade or the Times Square Ball Dropping, and why?

7) New Year’s Resolution

Do you make New Year’s resolutions, either formally or informally? Whether you do or not, what’s the one thing you hope to accomplish next year?

8) Prediction Time

Gimme a prediction for next year, about anything you know something about … but make it at least somewhat serious and pretty specific so we can come back next year and see if you’re prescient.

And because I’m out of holiday questions, a couple lingering non-thematic questions

9) Tipping

So at the place where I get my hair cut, I end up tipping the hair washer woman almost the same amount as my hairdresser because she does such a freakin’ good job at it (a good scalp massage is like getting a quick sneak peek at heaven) Do you think the hairdresser knows I tip the woman a lot, and do you think it’s OK to do that even though the hairdresser clearly does most of the work (I still tip him about 20%) … Also, as a related question, I find myself tipping more and more people: Do you agree with me that tipping in general has gotten out of hand??

10) Pigeons

OK, this is really random, but the other day I was walking home, and this guy throws a bunch of bread crumbs on the ground. At first a couple of nearby pigeons come over and start chowing down. But within a couple of minutes, it was total mayhem as pigeons (and other birds) descended from seemingly everywhere to get a piece of the unexpected feast.

Why is that? Did they all see the man throw the crumbs down (I don’t think so because there was a delay)? Do they smell the crumbs? My guess is that the first pigeons on the scene emitted some sort of scent or low-level call that attracted other birds, but why would they have evolved that way since it clearly was bringing unwanted competition to the dinner table?