Archive for November, 2009

Ennui’s a bitch … and then you blog

With a couple of exceptions, I’ve been gone from blogging for several months. I’ve rarely posted. I’ve barely commented. Heck, I’ve even stopped visiting the site on a regular basis.

I have a number of legitimate excuses – and some not-so legitimate excuses – for my time away. I did a lot of wedding planning. I picked up online poker again. I broke a wrist. I got married and had a minimoon. I fell behind work at my paying day job. Fantasy football started.

But mainly, my prolonged absence boils down to something much simpler, and in many ways, much more disturbing: I stopped caring.

I don’t know if it’s a case of issue fatigue or too much self-absorption, but I found myself getting increasingly uninterested with the world at large. Iranian election fraud? Hmm … Health care reform and town hall madness? Whatever. New Palin book? Of course. 10% unemployment? Them’s the breaks.

Lots of things going on right now that should have my hackles raised, my blood boiling, and my fingers typing in a mad blogger’s rage. But instead, all I feel is complacency and blahness. It’s not just I’m avoiding – it’s basically all news. The one event I got most excited about this week was Adam Lambert’s blatant display of homosexuality on the American Music Awards.

I’m trying to figure out why this is. My best guess is that the biggest news items of the day seem so familiar. The issues may be new – health care reform and Afghanistan strategizing, for instance – but the underlying themes – nasty partisanship and silly wars – seem so depressingly repetitive. I guess in some ways I feel cheated out of that change I thought I had voted for last year.

I’m not blaming Obama, of course, for my hacklelessness. I’m blaming myself for getting seduced by high and ultimately unreasonable expectations. Believing in change is a fool’s game. We are who we are – as people, and as a society.

It may not sound like it, but believe it or not, I’m pretty content personally. Sure, I wish I was doing something more fulfilling in my life (and is it cool for me to cop to both a healthy amount of excitement over Genghis’ new book deal and also a wee bit of envy??) but still, its Thanksgiving weekend, and I have a lot to be thankful for. Good friends, a decent-paying gig and a cool boss, lots of loving family members, a nice apartment, a winning fantasy football team, two new video game machines (wedding gifts that we still haven’t played yet – talk about complacency!) and especially a lovely brand-shiny-new wife.

So I figure this is as good as time as any to try and get back in the blogging groove. My Muse isn’t back yet really, but sometimes I guess you gotta force it. After all, being productive in life is mostly about establishing – or re-establishing – habits.

Now how about that Dubai debt crisis? That’s some crazy shit, huh? … Sigh, this will take some time. Ennui’s a bitch.

November 2009
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